Say what you mean and get what you want

A few years ago I read a book called "Say what you mean and get what you want" (Author George R. Walther). I can highly recommend it as a good read and a useful reference source for coping successfully with a variety of personal and professional situations when getting your message across clearly is essential. It's a real confidence booster for times when it is necessary to ask that tricky question in a way that illicits a positive response. Quite often we assume the answer will be "no" almost apologising for asking, and thus allowing our negativity to influence the outcome.



I've been looking at some websites that address the same issue in different ways and here are two to check out:

http://www.wikihow.com/ offers step by step advice on how to say what you mean without being mean and gives some tips and warnings on delivery technique.

http://www.voiceofinfluence.co.uk/ links to free E-resources on topics including 10 secrets to overcoming performance anxiety and how to speak with more authority.

Does anyone out there have any other good suggestions for websites or free resources on this topic or any great tips to share?



For Business and Personal Coaching and Professional Development Solutions please visit my website: http://www.blueskylife.co.uk/

A glass half full (or coaching for perspective)

I recently received an email from a coaching client who was facing a dilemma and feeling down.

She had been spending a great deal of time and energy on trying to build her own business but owing to the credit crunch, work was not coming her way to any great extent. She decided to put her dream on hold and take paid work doing telemarketing to keep the wolf from the door.

She found a fantastic position with a very up-beat company and was enjoying her new role and the companionship of her new colleagues. Then, one week into the job she received a call from a customer of her own business offering her a very lucrative contract. The irony of the situation hit her hard and she wrote asking why fate hadn’t given her a helping hand by producing the opportunity earlier, before she had decided on the marketing work. She felt she was dogged by rotten luck and was worrying over the dilemma of whether to stay with the telemarketing or leave and go after the contract.

So, why had fate played her such a hand? The answer to her question is obvious. Because she had taken control of her situation and taken a positive step to find work she had attracted other positive outcomes simply by becoming positive herself. She had been open and receptive to opportunity and it had found her. I once wrote “ You will find that by simply creating change, movement and positive action in one small aspect of your life, you can trigger a "snowball effect" of momentum and possibility that carries over into other areas".

This is exactly what had happened to my client, and because it was supposed to - not because its sod's law, or irony, or a nasty little gremlin having a laugh!! The only "difficulty" presented was that of choice and I suggested she could adopt the perspective that whatever her choice it would not be a wrong decision but merely a choice of path A or path B".

I know the answer lies in the perspective of viewing choice, whenever it comes, as a blessing rather than a curse.

After considering my response, my client then felt empowered to make a positive choice. Having made her decision from a happier perspective she was delighted with the outcome and finds she has no regrets whatsoever. It was her suggestion that I share her experience with others on my Blog.

Choosing a reliable and suitable Life Coach

Anyone who is thinking about using a Life Coach should spend some time doing a little research in order to find the right one. Here are some tips that I have put together that should help to simplify your search:

• The very best way of finding a good Life Coach is the same as finding a good plumber or electrician - ask your friends, neighbours or colleagues to recommend someone. Get the benefit of someone else's experience whether good or bad as personal recommendations are like gold dust.
• If you are searching the internet look out for the word on the street via blog sites or Twitter to see what Coaches are saying and who is saying what about the Coaches!
• Always check out the credentials of any Coach. Find out if they have studied and qualified through a reputable establishment and what experience they have had.
• Recent testimonials are a useful guide but if you are at all unsure ask if you can speak to a recently satisfied customer to get their perspective at first hand.
• Check that your Coach has current membership of a Professional Body such as the Association for Coaching. Any professional body will require practising Coaches to keep their professional development and industry knowledge up to date, and will have a strict Code of Ethics and Practice which members must adhere to. This is likely to include having the correct insurances.
• Find out the range of coaching methods and options that are available. Is the Coach able to offer sessions at a time that is practicable?
• It is also important to check out what packages are on offer and exactly what you will get for the fee. Does the Coach offer support in between sessions by email or provide a written review that you can reflect upon at your leisure?
• Does the Coach offer a free taster session so you can try out Coaching, or offer an informal "getting to know you" meeting where you can both decide if you would like to work together?
• Finally, beware of building up a dependancy upon any Coach. Make sure the Coach will review the relationship and your progress on a regular basis and don't commit to a never ending stream of sessions. You must both be clear where progress is being made and if you feel that the Coaching is not working for you a reputable Coach will be only too pleased to offer alternatives.

If you want to know more about Life Coaching, see www.blueskylife.co.uk

10 things to look forward to at the end of Summer

I always feel quite sad at this time of year. After all, what is there to be cheerful about? Lets face it, the summer has gone, the nights are drawing in and it's getting colder. Here in the South West we didn't get much of a Summer anyway, and Summer's passing means that the best of yet another year has come and gone! Thoughts are turning to 2010 already. Some shops (I will not name names) have already set out their racks of Christmas cards aiming to catch the ultra-organised amongst us who like to have the festive season "sorted" before the clocks go back. Soon we can look forward to such TV highlights as this year's M and S Christmas advert (what will Twiggy be wearing?) adverts for the boxing day sales and, heaven help us, Summer Holiday adverts. Ugh!
This year is going to be different. As a Coach, I know that life can change before your eyes if you look at it with a fresh perspective and that's just what I'm going to do. Yesterday morning, I decided to see if I could come up with 10 good things about the arrival of Autumn. I was worried that I wouldn't find 5 but the more I thought about it, the more I found to look forward to and I instantly became more cheerful and, dare I say it, found myself actually quite excited about the change in the season.
My list is below. You may agree or disagree with the things I have included, and I'm sure you can come up with alternatives.

1. Morning mists and dewy grass
2. Abundant berries and fruits
3. Bonfires
4. The heather on Dartmoor
5. Cooler nights - more sleep
6. The fun of preserving and pickling
7. Covering up in fancy tights
8. The pattern of the sun through the trees
9. Warming up to the hearth in a fleecy dressing gown
10. The leaves turning brown and gold

It was so easy to find 10 good things about something I was dreading, and so foolish to waste time being miserable about something I have no power over. The only thing I can control is my attitude and reaction to this imposed change - and I choose to find the fun in it and enjoy it! Bring it on!

If you are facing an imposed change, try looking for the good that can come from it. You may not see it straight away but keep looking. There is a gift in nearly every negative experience - sooner or later you will find it. Focus on the good and the bad stuff won't seem quite so bad after all.

For more information about life coaching visit: http://www.blueskylife.co.uk/

Develop your transferable attitudes and behaviours

It is quite some time since I last sat down to write my Blog. A great deal has happened since I last wrote and that is why I have been so remiss in keeping up to date with all the news.

I am delighted to report that I have joined forces with Hospiscare, a local charity devoted to caring for those with terminal illness that raises funds through a variety of outdoor activities including walking. As a consequence of this connection, I have decided to donate £5 for each Walk and Talk Coaching Session taken with my clients during 2009. In addition, I shall be taking part in the annual Midnight Sponsored Walk from Budleigh Salterton to Exmouth on Saturday 13 June 2009 in very good company with hundreds of other women who are all passionate fundraisers for this wonderful organisation.

Well, the credit crunch has certainly hit hard and I have several clients who have been dealt a severe blow but who are battling on through these difficult times with a heightened sense of their own worth and strengths, and who are finding that new opportunities and horizons always open up if you keep looking ahead with optimism and self-belief.

Many people are turning to personal coaching techniques to support them in handling the ongoing fallout from the credit crunch. My work has taken me in unexpected directions and I am now applying coaching principles in new spheres and with new clients. What I have learned from my recent experiences is that the ability to be flexible and to adapt to ever changing situations with a positive mental attitude is key.

We have all heard about transferable skills – being those skills that are learned within one occupation but can easily be applied in a completely different field. As youngsters, we were advised to make our development of these skills a priority as they would stand us in good stead no matter what job role we found ourselves undertaking. Skills such as basic literacy and numeracy, communication skills, information technology skills, team leading and managing skills are all portable between occupations and organisations.

While working for the Careers Service, I was taught that when applying for a new job it was essential to identify from the job specification what transferable skills I could apply to it and write the case for why I could quickly and easily adapt those skills to the new role.

These days what recruiters also require are people with transferable attitudes and behaviours. Those who have an aptitude and willingness to apply themselves can readily learn new job specific skills and procedures once hired. Where several candidates have the same set of transferable skills what lifts any candidate out of the pack is the ability to demonstrate they have the core attitudes and behaviours that employers crave.

These attitudes and behaviours form a “Universal Employee Specification for the Age of the Credit Crunch” and are likely to include the following, all of which can be developed through personal coaching:

· Willingness to go the extra mile to satisfy customers and colleagues
· Eagerness to find or create the “win-win” experience in all personal and company transactions
· Being flexible and adaptable to ever changing situations
· A friendly and approachable disposition
· Positivism and optimism in the future
· Readiness and willingness to take the initiative when necessary
· Self belief and resolve
· Confidence in own ability to be creative
· High levels of commitment and motivation
· The willingness to see problems as opportunities and to relish solving them
· Eagerness to look for the “heart of the matter”
· Being in touch with personal values and standards

This employers “wish list” is not exhaustive, but these attitudes and behaviours crop up time and again within the person specification of many job roles.

What’s more, these core attitudes and behaviours can do far more for us than get us the jobs of our dreams, they are attitudes and behaviours that once developed are transferable into all aspects of our lives whatever the circumstances.

To find out more about how to develop these transferable attitudes and behaviours and other useful personal coaching techniques, please see www.blueskylife.co.uk

HOW TO KEEP YOUR RESOLUTIONS

Although the New Year is the traditional time for making resolutions to change habits and improve lifestyle, research shows that over half of us fail to keep to our resolutions and many of us give up on our commitment within a week.

This failure rate is hardly surprising. After all, how realistic is it for us to expect to suddenly change at the stroke of midnight on any given day? Lasting change comes from making small, positive adjustments to thinking and behaviour over a period of time whereas seismic shifts in lifestyle can often be too dramatic to sustain and are likely to send us scuttling back into our comfort zone in double quick time.

If you like the idea of using the New Year as a watershed, one possible solution to this annual problem is to declare your commitment to change during the forthcoming year, and not all at once. You can then follow through on your declaration and plan for your success by formalising your goals in writing. Once this is done, it will be easier to decide upon priorities and the steps for gradually implementing those changes in a manageable way throughout the year. A reputable Life Coach can support you with this process.

Another important factor in your success is to appreciate that your “personal new year” may not necessarily coincide with 1st January as adopted by the Gregorian calendar. We all have our own natural cycles and it is wiser to give yourself the best chance of success by starting any changes of regime at your best time of the year.

For example, my own “personal new year” begins in early November. This is when I spring into life and I am full of plans and motivation. I know from experience that September and October are a low point for me - I mourn the loss of summer, the onset of darker nights and the decay in the garden. I always feel that I am in a period of transition and I like to take the time to slow down and reflect, it is not a time for me to start anything new. As soon as November comes my energy is restored and I’m ready to start again.

Likewise, for many, 1st January is an equally bad time. We are in the middle of winter and our natural inclination is to pull up the drawbridge and cosy up to the fire. The centre of our world becomes hearth and home. Before science and technology made so many things possible, life for our ancestors would have been governed by the seasons and the natural world. For many, mid winter would have been too dark, cold and wet to venture out very far and survival through to the brighter days of spring was the main aim.

You may find that the arrival of spring will be a far better time for you to think of renewing yourself. It is natural to respond with optimism to the lengthening days, increased sunlight and abundance of new life appearing around you. In spring energy levels start to rise; we look ahead and get ready to broaden our horizons again.

If you are able to tune in to and work with your own natural rhythms and cycles in this way you are likely to improve your chances of sticking to your resolutions considerably.

For more details see www.blueskylife.co.uk or phone on 01395 444310 or 07974 862663.

SEVEN TOP TIPS FOR TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR CLUTTER!

The recent “credit crunch” has put a hold on many people’s plans to move to a bigger house. Mortgage offers seem to be as rare as hen’s teeth and rising food and fuel prices are playing their part in creating an understandable reluctance to commit to larger loans.
If you are one of the thousands who are now waiting it out to see what happens, take heart! Every set back creates a golden opportunity, and while you may feel that circumstances beyond your control have forced you into suspending your dream for the present, try not to lose momentum or stagnate. You can choose to keep control of the situation by using the waiting time to adopt an alternative approach and create a temporary solution to the problem of out-growing your home – in other words try having a good de-clutter!
William Morris once said “Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful”. A modern-day interpretation of these words might be “If you don’t love it, or don’t use it – throw it out!”
It would be quite easy to feel daunted by the prospect of the physical and emotional effort needed to let go of your possessions, so begin by focussing on the benefits of achieving success. A good, efficient de-clutter not only creates the space you didn’t realise you had, it has other rewards. Being pro-active and creating some breathing space can be a very cathartic and energising experience. There is something enormously therapeutic and re-assuring in taking control and doing something. You immediately feel that you have influence over the situation rather than feeling at its mercy and for many people creating space can also create a sense of calm or freedom.
When you look at your cluttered surroundings, how does it make you feel? Does the clutter fill you with panic, depression or stress? Do you live in confusion or downright chaos? Can you find what you want when you want it, or do you have to send out a search party? What have you hoarded? Why have you held on to it? Will your life be any poorer or sadder if you get rid of it?
A de-clutter is not a spring clean. It is important to be ready for the emotional effects of discarding items that have lived with you for so long. A Life Coach can help you set and stick to targets, and will support you in handling the emotional hold some “old treasures” may have, in order that you can let go with love and without guilt. This is particularly relevant if you are de-cluttering after a bereavement or trauma.
If you decide to go it alone, here are seven top tips to get you started:
· Think about what resources you have or what you will need. Who or what will support you? For example, do you need to hire a skip or buy lots of black sacks? What time can you spend? When can you start? Plan what you can do in the time you have. Be methodical – work on one room at a time.
· Sort out and separate what may be of interest to someone else. Don’t forget that one man’s clutter is another man’s treasure. Car boot sales are making a big come-back and selling on E Bay saves loading up the car before sunrise on a rainy Sunday morning. Children’s games, toys and clothing are big sellers at Car Boot Sales as are books, DVDs and CDs in good condition.
· Try being GREEN as you de-clutter – re-cycle as much as you can and do your bit for the planet. This could include sorting out good quality items for your local charity shop or charity jumble sale and often the charities will arrange collection from your door.
· Start looking very closely at what comes into your home. Does it pass the “loveable or useful” test? If you’re thinking “it might come in handy one day” – STOP! Have a “something in, something out” policy and only bring in new clothes, shoes etc if you are willing to let an old item go in exchange.
· Don’t be tempted to save anything that is broken until you have time to repair it. Either repair it immediately or take it to an expert for repair or throw it out. Do you really need to replace it or can you do without?
· You may find it useful to start de-cluttering in your attic, garage or shed. You could then move some less frequently used items out of the house and store them out of sight. If you then don’t use them within the next year – do you really need them?
· Acknowledge your emotions. It may just be too hard to part with items of sentimental value and that have strong associations to the past but this shouldn’t stop your progress. Try a two-step approach. Step one is taking the items off display and packing them up. Don’t even think about getting rid of them right now, but store them away out of sight until you are ready to think about taking step two. It is quite likely that you may loose some attachment to or dependence on the presence of these items after a while, and the next time you look in the box you may be ready to let go.
Being pro-active in any circumstances is a great antidote to feelings of frustration and lack of control. At times when we are feeling held back by outside influences taking the initiative over the things we can influence gives us a sense of potency. So, no matter how little time you have, make a start and continue your de-clutter regime as and when you can and you will soon start to reap the rewards. Most reputable Life Coaches will work with clients who need support to let go of physical clutter and its emotional ties.

For more details, see http://www.blueskylife.co.uk/